Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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