I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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