Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
