I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Found the puke drawer
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
