And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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