If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
