i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
