dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
i've created a new STD.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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