he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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