Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
