Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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