I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
