K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
