im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
