she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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