dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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