Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
