Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
This baby is an asshole
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I need to align my fucking chakras
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
