You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
