Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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