if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
