I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Randomize
