so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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