I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
