eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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