Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
