Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
