I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
