Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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