I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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