I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
