I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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