So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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