I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
