How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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