Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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