Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
