I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
