i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
