i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
