Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
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Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
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I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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