mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
