dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
