I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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