Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
