so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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