Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
