i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
