I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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