it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
