Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
