why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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