And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
