i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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