Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
