Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
