Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
You're like the curious george of whores
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
