my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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