Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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