her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
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Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
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Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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