Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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