Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
