I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Randomize
