Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Randomize
