My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
