I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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