Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
