No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
