Having a random hookup so left but love u
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
