Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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