sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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