You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
